And reality comes crashing in

It's not you, it's me.

Cliché, oh yes, but still true.

There are many folks out there for whom this sort of work comes easily, I am not one of them. Because of this, I think sometimes I try too hard.

Next year, whatever else happens, I will continue doing the podcast. I wont worry about audience feedback, numbers or income, I'll just do it as well I can.

It wont be what we've had so far, but when has it ever been? GSS has changed it's face so many times since it's birth I've lost count.

I want to thank everyone who has supported the show, don't feel the need to write in or anything unless you want to, same with the ad clicking and other stuff.

2011 will be the year of freedom.

Coz I'm free.

To do what I want.

Any old time.

Oh yes.

Much love.

-Steve

GSS days gone bye bye

The days of the old podcast may soon be coming to a close.

It's a tough decision, I've loved doing it, but the rewards are just not there.

James, Ali and I put in a lot of work around the place, writing, filming, producing and advertising many other people's creations and a few of our own, and most of them make a profit in some way.

All except for GSS.

GSS was a labour of love, which we hoped to be able to keep on doing forever, but to do so, it had to make enough money to at least make it not just a black hole sucking in time and energy.

We asked for donations, and never got a single one. I understand that, I rarely donate online myself. So we came up with another plan; the ads on the website.

A click a day was what we asked for, and that would have easily been enough for us to at least continue doing what we are doing.

Alas, most of our audience is via torrents rather than our website, and none of them could be bothered to even click on the site, though hundreds, sometimes thousands listened to the show every day.

What are we to do in the face of such apathy?

The audience appears willing to enjoy the product, but not do a single thing to support it, even when it costs them nothing.

People usually pay us thousands of dollars for our work, literally, and we are used to being paid what we are worth.

For me, this is not a huge issue. Money is unimportant to me. To James and Ali who are buying a house, paying alimony and running a small business, money is a little more important.

So we may be forced to say goodbye pretty soon, at least in this form.

It's been fun for the most part, and I'll be sorry to see it go, but that's life.

You get what you pay for.

I am having an awesome night!

It's 2:30am, the moon is high, the hills are clouded in fog and my madness sings loud.

I love this frame of mind. It's the manic part of manic depression, and it is beautiful, and powerful, and utterly utterly dark.

Glorious fluidity of mind and an utterly unhinged logic circuit makes for interesting leaps!

To sum up my frame of mind, I will leave you with the following quote, and the fact that I think it is hillarious.

"A legless octopus, that's the saddest thing..." - Eddie Morrison

The Church of Stevism

So, the church was born online today. James has been poking me about it for awhile now, so I thought I'd get it done, and get him off my back.

Since it's never really been properly described before, I thought I'd jot down it's first post.

Greetings brethren and sistren and, ummm, I dunno... pets-ren..? Welcome to the holy church of Stevism.

The whole point of this faith* is to bring the pure joy and pleasure which is our born privilege to possess, back into human sexuality.
For too many long years sex has been filthied, fraught with guilt and envy and made the single greatest cause of the breakups of most monogamous relationships.

Ownership is slavery, and claiming to own your partner is little better than forcing them to tend your laborious chores without hope of liberation or pay.

Without possessiveness, freedom from jealousy, envy and guilt is inevitable.

Freedom is good, much better than slaving to a set of primitive religious laws designed to belittle and humble the most glorious of known creations, the human being.

*Not a religion, do not worship.

The only thing I'm not particularly happy about is the 'holy' church at the start. This church is not holy, that's kind of the point.

I really feel that the various religions around the world, (ALL of whom can be discredited easily, there are no 'good' or 'nice' ones) have done an enormous amount of damage to human sexuality, and I want to at least start putting it right.

Who knows, maybe this group will grow and it's members will nut out a new sexual morality.

Wouldn't that be nice?

You can join up on the facebook page here.

Xo

Steve

Insomniac musings

I want to communicate something, but I don't know what or how.
Do you ever get that?
The soul seems to understand something without engaging the brain. Some new piece of information clicks into place, and an old thought pattern fades away. Instant understanding in a way, sure. But sometimes it's not easy to convey exactly what you understand.
I think that's what I really admire about academics. It's not enough to have a thought, they have to pin it down, attack it from all angles, see if it stands up under scrutiny.
I don't have that discipline, maybe that's why I have difficulty expressing some concepts. I live with my heart on my sleeve, (A lovely way of describing knee-jerk reactions and groundless assumptions). I also tend to believe things I am told by people I consider believable.
(This particular insanity I can pin down though. I once tried to apply scientific theory to something my father told me. He was so insulted by the thought that I would dare to actually check primary sources to backup his statements, that I was traumatised by his reaction into just believing from there on in).
It's another reason to be thankful for the show. I am grateful to everyone who listens of course, but I would go on without an audience I think. The opportunity to scrutinise my own thoughts has been very good for me. I am getting better at focusing my ideas I think.
I'm also dumping some prejudices, which is also good. I used to think it was ok to sling mud at the Yanks because they are of the same kind of genetic stock as we, (The multi-cultural melting pot layered over a European base). For my whole life I have heard Americans vilified, and it's only now that I am realising that they are people just like us, if more open and up front about their feelings, (In that respect, I guess you could say I'm trying to be more American. How's THAT eh!? Ha!)
It's more than that too.
Questioning everything, trying to form my own opinions about things based on multiple sources rather than just believing everything I hear, and most importantly trying to meet new ideas, experiences and people without preconceptions clouding my judgment.
Who knows. Some day we may see Steve dancing at an Emo party in amongst a gang of young werewolves from LA with a big grin on his face, enjoying the freedom of expression and lack of self-censorship.

Australia in the World Cup 2010

	Germany	vs.			Australia					-	14 Jun 4:00am (Australia (Adelaide)) on SBS, SBS ONE, SBS HD
	Ghana	vs.			Australia					-	19 Jun 11:30pm (Australia (Adelaide)) on SBS, SBS ONE, SBS HD
	Australia	vs.			Serbia					-	24 Jun 4:00am (Australia (Adelaide)) on SBS, SBS ONE, SBS HD

Treading The Boards

I just found out that Cuckoo's Nest, the play James and I were in a little while ago, is up for an award this year. Marvelous news! So I just thought I'd brag a little on the website, maybe do a little dance, that sort of thing. HOO-AH!

-Steve

Tragic

So.
My cousin committed suicide last week.

Why did he do it? No idea, I wish I knew. That branch of the family moved to Queensland, (The other end of Oz) years ago and I hadn't seen him in many years.

The philosopher in me thinks we could have talked it out, were we still in contact.
The realist in me knows that you can't stop someone who really wants to top themselves.
The cousin in me feels nothing but guilt, which I often do when it comes to family matters.

I don't have a lot to do with my bloodline, as we know. When my father called with the news I sat stunned for awhile, then waited for the tears.
Three days I waited, they didn't come.
This has happened before. When my grandfather died, (I was about 6 I think) I did exactly the same thing. I waited to feel sad because that's how you're supposed to feel, right? Then when the flood of tears didn't come, I just felt guilty.

Am I psychotic? Do I really not have access to normal emotions? Or am I just so incredibly self involved that I can't really feel anything which doesn't happen directly to me?
Who knows.
All I know is that I am one cousin down.
I hate to think how his mother and two younger brothers feel.

I guess mental health issues DO run in my whole family. A depressive father, a bi-polar sister and who knows how many other issues faced by other family members.

I wish I knew what I was supposed to do about this.

Goodbye Alan. I don't understand why you did what you did, but I DO understand that there are times in life where it seems like the best option. I guess the void was preferable to whatever was going on.

I tell you one thing. If this turns out to be someone's fault...
Start running now.

-

Hero!

There are still heroes in this world, who risk their own lives to save the lives of others. This clip is an excellent example of one of these unsung heroes.